Monday, December 26, 2011

I will never be skinny - a love affair with cake and chicken.

I'm not skinny.  I'm not super fat either.  I like to consider myself pretty average. In fact, it is so hard for me to find clothes in my size because all the other average girls get to them first.

My whole life, I was always a little bigger than most girls.  I noticed this in elementary during the annual physical check-ups in PE when the other girls would get weighed before me and I weighed 10 or 15 pounds more than them.

Keep in mind that as a child, I looked like everyone else.  I wasn't this pudgy kid. I was slightly taller than most girls (that changed in high school) and had a little more meat on my ass than the other girls. 
That's me around 6 or 7 years old.  As you can see, I look scrawny.  But hidden under my skin and bones must've been some hidden weight just waiting to make it's appearance come puberty.

It's no secret that I have an affinity for cake and chicken.  Get a plate of chicken in front of me and follow it up by a little cake and I'll be a happy girl!
This was pointed out by the Boyfriend, who upon looking at old family photos in my mom's picture box, noticed there are way too many photos featuring me with chicken or cake.
Here are a few examples of this:
Don't I just look thrilled to have these delicacies in front of me? I look gosh darn joyful.

The love for cake has never left me as evident by this totally flattering photo snapped just this afternoon by the Boyfriend as I ate a slice of cake by the sink in the kitchen:
Pure glee on my face.

Don't get me wrong here. I do try to eat well, I do exercise, and do try to keep healthy.  According to my last physical a couple moths ago, I am pretty healthy.  Do I want to loose weight? Yea. Of course I do. I would love to be at the weight I was the first year of college. 
But you know what?  For now, all I can do is love myself for who I am.

The Boyfriend thinks I'm beautiful. What more can a girl ask for?  I can feel my worst, and he will still find me attractive. 

I've had people in my family tell me "you need to loose weight!" or tell someone to tell me "hey, she needs to loose weight!" ...and it fucking sucks.  People who should love you bluntly saying things like this is NOT a way to get through to someone you are trying to "help."  It should be done with tact, respect, and lots of TLC.  Just FYI for any of you out there attempting to make this kind of intervention happen.
All it does is make you feel worse; it tears down any walls of confidence that have been built. 

The last time this occurred, I actually went through a month long "diet" where I ate only 1000 calories or less a day, and did some extra work outs. After the month was over, I was 1 pound lighter, hungry, and still wearing the same clothes...except my pants were a little loose on my thighs.  It wasn't worth it.

Recently, though Tumblr, I found confidence and self-worth through many TumblrBlogs like FuckYeahChubbyFashion and PlusSizeWomenAreBeautiful. There are other girls who look like me, who are smaller than me or even bigger than me who look beautiful, who have so much confidence. It inspired me, and recently, I have been seeing myself as beautiful. It helps to have the Boyfriend love all of me, too.

I don't know the reasoning behind this post. I don't think i need a reason at all. I think it's just to put it out there that I may not look perfect, but I am beautiful. Everyone is.


  1. You know, no one should judge you. Even if they don't need to "lose weight," they probably have a bad habit they need to lose. I for one need to stop smoking, even if I do it rarely. Everyone has their own faults and it's what makes them... themselves. Am I right?

  2. @pepper - thank you :)
    you are right! without faults, we would all be boring!

  3. I don't think you should ever feel like you need a reason to say what's on your mind. It's great that you have so much self-confidence and that you have a boyfriend that loves you inside and out! Plus, I'm getting sick and tired of the way society feels like you have to be skinny in order to be beautiful!

  4. People that love you shouldn't tell you that you need to lose weight. You seem happy in your life and that is what counts!

  5. I'm like you, I was never one of those super skinny "omg you could be a model!" type of girls. Heck I had a big ass (for a white girl) I was/am short and I enjoyed eating... alot. hahaha what's funny is if you ask my husband what attracted him the most he'll tell you it was my butt. After 3 kids I've gained weight (more then I'd like to admit to) and yeah I'm like you, I'd like to lose a few pounds, but that's not on my top priority list.

    You are a very pretty woman =D I say screw the haters! lol Your boyfriend loves you just the way you are and unless it was really effecting your health I wouldn't worry. =D

  6. If people told me that I needed to lose weight I would tell them to mind their own damn business!
    I was a gymnast in high school and a cheerleader, and my cheer coach was always telling me to lose weight and go on a diet so I could be lifted more easily.
    After her hounding me for a while (I was 5'5 and 115 pounds, I didn't think I was heavy at all) I said fuck it and I quit.
    Since then I have gained some weight from not being as active but I am happy how I am now even though at first it was really hard. The truth of the matter is, as woman get older their weigh t goes up because it's the bodies way of creating extra nutrition for baby bearing.

  7. Amen, sister. Every. One. Is. Beautiful.

  8. Alma you are just Beautiful the way you are...I was told the same thing growing up and instead of taking their so called "advice" I ate more...and then I finally realized if I want to lose the weight it was going to be on my terms and for my own personal reasons. We are two beautiful girls and as long as we love ourselves that's all that matters!


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